When a group becomes dysfunctional, people often look for adversarial solutions: How do we remove an individual from our Board? How do we stop a disruptive member from dominating and manipulating our processes? What visual signals and code words can we exchange in a meeting to undermine a person whose message or method we don't like? It is amazing how many organizations are prepared to accept communication breakdowns as a fact of life. The source of the dysfunction is that people don't know how to give honest, direct and principled feedback.

Feedback is the lifeblood of a well functioning organization. Its absence breeds tensions and mistrust and can place your good efforts in jeopardy. Feedback should be given in a way that makes it easy for others to receive it. Here are a few ideas:

• Give feedback regularly. Don’t wait until the problem is acute or things are unbearable. By then the breakdown may have been entrenched and the situation may be beyond repair.



• Treat the exchange of feedback as a problem solving discussion (and not a lecture or a reprimand), whereby both you and the recipient work together to address an ineffective behavior and decide together what needs to be done about it.



• Deliver the feedback in a sensitive, respectful and caring manner. At the same time, be honest, confident, direct and unapologetic.



• Be guided by a desire to improve the delivery of your organization’s mandate. The reason for requesting a change in behavior should not be to please you, but to remove impediments to the delivery of your organization’s mandate.



• Make your feedback specific, precise and clear. Get to the point and avoid going in circles.



• Make the feedback principled and objective. Be hard on the issues but soft on the person. Focus on behaviors, not emotions and personalities.



• Make the feedback balanced: State positive observations (commendations) and follow by suggested changes (recommendations). It will make it easier for others to listen to your criticisms when you also celebrate their successes and acknowledge the things that they do right.



• Give the feedback only after you have established that the person is ready to hear you: “I have some feedback for you. When would be a good time to talk about it?”



• Make the feedback constructive and solution-oriented: “Here is how you might do it differently, and here is the difference I think it would make”.



• Make the feedback interactive and consultative and avoid lecturing. Punctuate it by asking questions, like: “Does this ring a bell for you?” or “Is there a way of achieving ___ without the negative effects of ____?”



• Make the feedback purposeful. Lead to an agreement on what changes need to occur and establish deadlines for implementing them.
  
• Here are a few things to avoid:
• Avoid giving long preambles.
• Avoid diluting the strength of your feedback by excessive apologies.


• Avoid a harsh, accusatory, and condescending tone.


• Avoid focusing only on the problem. Propose a solution or two.