Many meeting Chairs and Members are eager to maintain harmony and collegiality, and try hard to be liked and not offend anyone. They therefore end up tolerating gossip and off-topic discussions, and may even relate jokes or personal anecdotes to lighten things up. This approach can make a meeting of a governing board or council take on the appearance of a social gathering.

Is there a problem with running meetings informally? Not if the group is still able to focus on the agenda, use time effectively, and make smart and sustainable decisions. Indeed, informality can be beneficial. It can get members to relax and lighten up, and this can be helpful when they take themselves too seriously. Informality also has the potential of fostering more creativity (which is less likely to be sustained when rules of order are strictly enforced).

So what is the problem? If the group is accustomed to operating like a social club, members may not be comfortable with sharp divisions of opinion, and their capacity to argue conflicting views may be compromised. Some may refrain from making unpopular statements for fear of offending others or rocking the boat. Others may end up voting in favor of a flawed proposal, even when they have serious doubts about it. "Arguing" and "being unpleasant" are just not seen as the "civilized" thing to do, and it is much simpler to acquiesce. Standing in the way of a steamroller is not comfortable at the best of times, and a social club atmosphere makes it even tougher.

Consider the example of a meeting Chair who opens a potentially contentious meeting and falls into the trap of starting with a few jokes, to lighten things up and get people to relax. The resulting laughter is likely to be misleading because it is rarely unanimous. Yes, some people may be laughing, but others may be getting impatient and uneasy. They may prefer to remain focused on the business at hand without letting down their guard. They may see the Chair's jokes as an attempt to disarm them and stifle their dissent.

So what should you do? If your board or council is collegial, consider this an asset, but establish with the members that collegiality is not the overriding goal. Emphasize their obligation to the community that they serve to speak and vote the right way, even if doing so might disturb the harmony. Collegiality should never come at the expense of having in-depth discussions of diverse opinions and achieving smart and sustainable decisions (which may seem unpopular at the time). With this mindset, some members may be each other's best friends outside the meeting, but will make it okay to differ passionately on issues during the meeting.

If you are tempted to tell jokes at the start of a contentious meeting, don't. Just establish the foundation for a business-like discussion, whereby diverging views are heard in an atmosphere of civility and respect. Obtain a firm commitment to achieving the best outcomes, sometimes unanimously, and other times by a majority vote. And what should you do with those great jokes? Save them for after the meeting, or possibly for a time when the group needs a lull in the discussions, or when the benefits of levity will not be offset by its drawbacks.