This article below is based on "The Business Meetings Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Meetings and Shared Decision Making". See visit http://www.elimina.com/books/printed-books.html for details.

From time to time people will push your hot buttons. For example, an individual may annoy you by misrepresenting the truth to suit his or her needs. Another may relate a sexist, racist or religious joke that you (and possibly others) find offensive. Another may conveniently backtrack from a previously made commitment. Yet another may be completely dismissive of you at a meeting, or may turn his or her back to you while addressing the rest of the group.

Your instinctive reaction to the pushing of your hot buttons may be:

• Losing your temper and uttering an outburst that you later regret.
• Saying nothing, but losing your enthusiasm for the rest of the day or even longer.
• Forgetting all your past successes and achievements.
• Giving the silent treatment to the individual who made you angry.

To deal with the situation more effectively, you need tools to manage your hot buttons and respond in a calm, confident and non-adversarial manner. To start, you need techniques to slow yourself down and avoid an impulsive reaction. One such technique is to have your own cue cards, saying things like:

• “Slow down. No impulsive reactions”
• “Take a deep breath. Drink some water”
• “Smile… You look really funny when you get angry…”
• “Things could be a lot worse. Just imagine…”
  

Another technique for slowing down is by asking yourself questions like these:

• "How would someone I respect and admire expect me to respond right now?”
• “Might the individual who is annoying me now have a legitimate reason to behave as he or she is?”
• “Is it possible that I did something to earn this behavior towards me?”
• “Am I taking myself too seriously right now? Am I losing perspective?”
  

Having slowed down, you could choose a calm and measured response to the problem. For example:

• If speaking up would be risky or futile, it may be best to be “a self-cleaning oven” and move on. Just acknowledge that you live in an imperfect world and shift your attention to things that work well for you.
• In some instances it may be important to speak up immediately. For example: “Sean, I am sure you meant no harm, but that comment was hard for me to take, and possibly also for other people. I think we need to be careful when we joke around.” Or: “Ron, do you mind turning around so I can hear what you’re saying?”
• · Sometimes it may be more effective to delay the feedback until after the meeting: “Rick, I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone else, but the comment about ___ is just not true. Are you aware of ____?”